Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
