I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
