just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
