Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
