were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
