the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
