How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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