Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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