Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
