She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
