He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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