I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
