Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
