Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
