i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
