Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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