Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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