Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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