omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
