Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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