This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
