new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
