It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
