True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
