Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Randomize
