Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
