Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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