i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
