You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
