I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
