Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
