I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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