im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
