Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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