I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
