I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
