just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
