Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
