True but thats because hes a fetus.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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