My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
