NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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