so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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