My room smells like vodka and shame
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
