Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
