Umm I'm too high to move.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
