so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
