You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
