Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
