Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if only i could text you this smell
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
