At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
