i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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